A polar bear in the park...

Sunny here at the moment, we are getting out in it as much as possible and soaking up the vitamin D while we have the chance. It's cold but beautiful.

Yesterday we went to the park. The swings and slide were fun, but what Miss E really wanted to do was explore.

She wandered through bushes and clambered over branches. She told me there was a polar bear there, and a snake.

A little while later, we met some friends. I told them of E's adventures in the little forest.
"There were even polar bears there, " I grinned as my friends nodded knowingly.
"No, " E interjected. "There was only one polar bear."

If she's already so well able to correct me at just 27 months old, she's going to be a very clever and very, very argumentative teenager. Plus, if she continues as she started, she's going to win a lot of those arguments.

Oh well, it's certainly going to make for an interesting life!

What must the neighbours think...

I have real neighbours for the first time in years. For a long time I've had a car, so I was able to live a little outside town, in a detached house. No one to complain about dogs barking, or loud music.

Now I live in a house with two flats adjoining. Real neighbours. I can hear a TV from my bathroom. I can hear conversations. Not exactly what's being said, but that people are talking to each other.

This same bathroom is the scene of occasional (ok, almost nightly) tantrums from E, the talkative and precocious two year old. Every night we have the same routine, she sits on the toilet and brushes her teeth, then I wash her face and she washes her own hands.

Then, I get a cloth and give her crotch and bum a good wipe to make sure they're clean. I reckon it's good, responsible parenting to do so.

E still mixes up personal pronouns - she says "your" for stuff to do with her, i.e. when she means "my" and when she says "my" she is actually referring to the person she's talking to.

So when she screams, "NOT YOUR BUM! ONLY YOUR CROTCH!" she actually means she only wants me to wipe around her vulva, not her anus. Think this is a throwback to times when teething caused raw skin nappy-rash.

Still, I do wonder what the neighbours think, if they can hear. I'm pretty sure social services are going to knock on my door one of these days...

A new way to describe a cough...

I have a horrible dose at the moment. Worse than when I had swine flu. I feel like I was hit by a train, and then my body was run over by several trucks.

Also, vomiting.

And a cough.

It's a rattly, chesty cough. Today E was sitting on my lap when I had a bit of a coughing fit.

"Mama had a fart from her neck" was how she described it.

Being in a fit of coughing and one of uncontrollable laughter at the same time is really dangerous...

Enough!

A while back, I was taking E out to the swings - one of her favourite things to do.

I told her I just had to go to the toilet first, and then we'd go.

So I went to the toilet, and was sitting there, though I could hear her grumbling a bit.

All of a sudden, the door burst open - she's a mightily strong two-year old - and she huffed at me and said:

"Enough pee!"

It is funny, the little ways she has of putting things - she didn't know how else to say it, but she sure got her message across!

The F word, and why I'm a terrible mother

I swear, from time to time. Usually when annoyed. So of course my daughted has picked it up.

She's clever though. She understands the context of it.

As in, one day I caught myself in time, and said "Flip!" instead.

She laughed and said "Fuck!". She knew that flip was a substitute word. She knew that it meant the other F word.

I laughed too (hence the terrible mother bit).

Every now and then now, she will say it and laugh. I explain that it is a word we're only supposed to use when we're angry or upset.

She goes "waiah waih" (purely a pretend cry) and then says fuck again, and laughs.

She also heard me yell "Bollocks" once at Sherlock, the newf we had for a while. After that, any time I yelled at him, even though I controlled my language, she would yell "Bollocks" at him. 

So she may know swear words, but at least she understands the context, I suppose.

Oh how busy this child is going to keep me!

Actually.

Oh great, my daughter knows the word actually, and how to use it in context.

Me: That's my hat.
E: It's actually E's (she still refers to herself in the third person a lot, or mixes up me/you)
Me: Really? I think it's actually mine.
E: No. Actually E's. 

Great, so she's either donating my clothes to the charity shop, or wearing them and claiming them as her own. I thought I had a few more years till that would start!

Call the social workers...

Oh dear. E started coughing today while drinking a glass of apple juice. I patted ehr on the back, as people do - no idea if it actually helps or not, but it is better than asking someone, adult or child, "Are you ok?" when they are struggling to take a breath.

As the coughing dissipated, she gives me the cheekiest of cheeky grins.

"Mama hitting!" she said.

"I'm patting you on the back!" I protest.

"Mama hit E on the back," she said, grinning with her supreme cheeky monkey face on the whole time.

Oh dear, it's only a matter of time now before she tells everyone I hit her...

I've taught her oh so well...

A few days ago, I was trying on dresses, wondering what I should wear to the graduation.

E was trying on my shoes, walking around the landing in them. Then, as I tried on the umpteenth outfit and she was getting fed up, she started to put various items of clothing and shoes - mine - into a plastic bag.

Me: "What are you doing?"
E: "They're for the charity shop!"

Oh dear. She is learning so fast. I will need to watch out for my stuff from now on!

From the mouth of Ruffian Child

Out for a walk, we see a huge horse poo on the road.


E: That's mud
Me: That's horse poo
E: From the... (pause, unsure, glances at me)
Me: From a horse
E: No!!!
Me: No?
E: From the cat!!
Me: Really?
E: uh huh (nodding). From the cat's bum.